The Marble Jar Channel

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll talk about why, in the context of adult relationships, we shouldn't use terms for children such as Need, Abandonment, Neglect, and Unconditional Love. I'm pretty sure this is going to be a controversial take, but this is a pet peeve of mine.  A little while ago, I did a video on a couple of words that most therapists use that I hate -- one of those words is "Need."  Specifically, I don't like when that word used in the context of an adult relationship.  And on further thought -- I've figured out why I don't like it.  And it has to do with hijacking words that were originally conceived to describe a child's experience for use in adult relationships. Hear me out. No one asks to be born.  We all come into this world vulnerable, helpless, and totally dependent on the human beings who brought us into it.  And as children, we have a LOT of needs.  And we have l...

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and in today's video, I'll give my Summary and Takeaways from the book Tell Me No Lies: How to Stop Lying to Your Partner --- and Yourself -- In the 4 Stages of Marriage by Drs. Ellyn Bader and Pete Pearson.  Full disclosure -- I'm currently in a year long training through the Couples Institute on the couples counseling model originated by Ellyn Bader and Pete Pearson.  The training is absolutely wonderful for a number of reasons, but it also predisposes me to appreciate this book that they wrote together in 2000 since I can place it in the context of my learning. Here is the overall map to my book videos: I give an overview which covers a quick summary of the book, the audience, and some background on the authors, then I go into the structure of the book, my recommendation and why, and 5-10 takeaways that were either surprising or new information for me.  Let's get started with an Overview This book is ...

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and in today's video, I'll give my summary and take aways from the book After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis Abrahms Spring & Michael Spring.  Here is the overall map to my book videos: I give an overview which covers quick summary of the book, the audience, and some background on the authors; the structure of the book; my recommendation and why; and 5-10 takeaways that were either surprising or new information for me.  Let's get started with an Overview This is a book for couples or partners where one partner has been unfaithful and they are hoping to save the relationship.  It is also a good book for therapists who work with couples who have experienced an affair, but it is mostly written for people who are living through this.  This book discusses the steps to take to heal your relationship after a betrayal.  It includes...

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll talk about the distinction that I often make about three words: Sweet, Nice, and Kind.  And why it's important to know the difference. Here are three words that are often used interchangeably: sweet, nice, and kind.  But I think there are important distinctions between them that can help to decide how we want to be in the world.  In my family -- based on the distinctions I will discuss in a bit -- my husband is sweet, nice, and kind; my daughter is sweet and kind, I'm only kind, and my son used to be none of the above, but is growing into himself as an adult who is both sweet and kind. So, let's go through them: Sweet - I think of sweet as more of a temperament.  It describes someone who is pleasant and easy to be around.  Generally this temperament is not dominant or pushy, but is gentle and lovable.  This disposition is shared by most of the early Disney princ...

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll give you my summary and takeaways from the book called Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love by Lisa Marie Bobby. I'm now a mental health therapist in residence and I have been reading as many books as I can on every condition, every human issue, every disorder so that I can be as helpful as possible to my clients.  And I figured, if I'm going to read these books -- I should share my summaries with you, so here goes. The book I read most recently is about Love Addicts, which the author, Lisa Marie Bobby, calls Exaholics.  The reason this book appeals to me is that after hearing account after account of the loss, grief, and anxiety that people go through after break-ups, it started to occur to me that love was pretty similar to an addiction -- and that breakups felt a lot like withdrawal.  This book is, by no means, the only one to make this claim, there are lots, but...

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll share a summary and my takeaways from the book by Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson --  Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents. Right now, I'm a mental health therapist in training and I've been reading tons of books to help me support and understand my clients better.   Some of these books are really excellent and I thought I'd share a summary and my thoughts since it may help you if you are considering purchasing a book.   In addition, it helps me to better synthesize and understand the information if I share it with you before I share it with my clients. The book I read this time was Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents.  So, I've read a bunch of books about having parents with all kinds of issues: Narcissism, Borderline Personali...

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and in today's video, I'll give you a brief tutorial on using Zoom, which seems to be the video conferencing service of choice during quarantine. Okay -- now that I've done about 12 impromptu Zoom tutorials for family and friends, I figured it might be helpful to do a quick video on it.  I'll definitely go over attending a Zoom meeting, but I'll also cover how to schedule a meeting, invite others, and I'll review some of the cool features. I've used Zoom many times before all this since it is the video conferencing app favored by my grad school program, but it's only in Coronavirus quarantine that I've felt compelled to purchase a Pro account and really learn how to use it.  I've used Zoom to schedule regular meetings with colleagues and fellow students, but now I've also scheduled Zoom happy hours, dinner parties, game nights, and even my grandma's memorial servic...

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and in today's video, I'll share 3 tips for connecting with your older relatives to to learn more about them, create a closer relationship, and fill in some of your family history. My grandma passed away about 3 weeks ago.  It was not Coronavirus related, although it happened right after everything started to lock down, so we weren't able to say our goodbyes in person or travel to have an in-person memorial service for her.  That said, she was 97 and was ready to give up the physical struggle that had defined her life for the past several years.  We were lucky to have so many full years with her, but we are all so sad that she is gone -- as evidenced by the outpouring of emotion on our family's Celebration of Life Zoom ceremony for her.   This video isn't about my grandma specifically, but her passing has reminded me to share three things that I thought were important in my relationsh...

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll share some of my takeaways from another book by Dr. John M. Gottman, PhD. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I did a video recently on another one of Dr. Gottman's books, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail and How You Can Make Yours Last.  I feel like that one laid out some of his more foundational ideas about marriage including the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and 3 different kinds of stable couples.  If you haven't seen that video, it's probably worth watching first.  This current book is even more prescriptive, describing exactly how to implement 7 big principles that support a successful marriage.  These principles are born out of the extensive research that he has done on couples in his Love Lab in Seattle, Washington.  So, it's not just based on hunches, but on well researched data. In...

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll share some of my takeaways from reading several books by Dr. John Gottman, an expert on marriages.  This is the first of 2 videos on this topic.  Dr. John Gottman is my favorite researcher and writer on the topic of romantic relationships.  One of the main reasons I like his work is that it is based on the massive amount of data that he has collected at his "Love Lab" in Seattle, Washington.  He invites couples to his lab, watches them argue, and within 5 minutes, can predict with 91% accuracy whether they will be divorced in five years.  Crazy stuff, right?   Gottman has written a ton of books — all discussing the data that he’s unearthed in his research.  What I like about Gottman’s work is that it sometimes runs contrary to conventional wisdom. So, he may go into an experiment with a specific theory — like "the key to good relationships is...

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video I'll give my tips on engaging in healthy and positive conflict in your important relationships. Okay -- in previous videos, I talked about maintaining boundaries to prevent relationships from blowing up and how to determine whether your relationship is even worth the energy that conflict requires.  In this one, let’s talk about how to ensure that you are engaging in conflict in the most positive, constructive way.  First of all,  Check Your Motivations Presumably the reason that you are engaging in conflict at all is because you care about the relationship and something happened that bothers you, offends you, or otherwise makes you uncomfortable.  It’s very possible that you are pretty angry over this incident.  Remember, the main reason you are doing this to help heal your relationship.  So, if, when you check in with yourself, you find that your primary mo...