The Marble Jar Channel

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll discuss some of the body-based techniques that you can use to quickly calm your nervous system.  If you've watched some of the earlier videos in this series, you already know that I talk with my clients a lot about neurobiology and specifically about the brain-body connection.  For a long time, psychologists have asserted that in order to feel better,  we have to change the way we think.  And that can certainly be true.  However, we now know that calming the body also calms the brain -- and this process is far faster and more efficient than the reverse.  In fact, for every 1 signal that your brain sends to your body, your body is sending 4 signals to your brain.  So, although you can TRY to get your body to calm down by changing the thoughts from your brain, it's far more efficient and effective to work on your body to calm your brain down.   I thi...

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and this is the eighth video in a series where I share information that I think EVERY therapy client should know.  In this video, I discuss the second step of emotional behavior change -- creating positive behavior patterns. So, now we’ve talked about developmental behavior change, the key ingredient (emotional safety), and the first step, which is to break negative habits.  Now, we’ll talk about the second step or how to create new positive behavior patterns.  And again, this is developmental or emotional change, so we’ll be talking to your mammal brain.  So, how do you get a scared puppy to try new things? Small steps - first of all, you need to take small steps.  I remember when I was teaching my dog to ring the bell to indicate he wanted to go outside, I first rewarded him when he got NEAR the bell.  So, not even touching it yet.  If you start this process by wanting the puppy to ...

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll talk about why, in the context of adult relationships, we shouldn't use terms for children such as Need, Abandonment, Neglect, and Unconditional Love. I'm pretty sure this is going to be a controversial take, but this is a pet peeve of mine.  A little while ago, I did a video on a couple of words that most therapists use that I hate -- one of those words is "Need."  Specifically, I don't like when that word used in the context of an adult relationship.  And on further thought -- I've figured out why I don't like it.  And it has to do with hijacking words that were originally conceived to describe a child's experience for use in adult relationships. Hear me out. No one asks to be born.  We all come into this world vulnerable, helpless, and totally dependent on the human beings who brought us into it.  And as children, we have a LOT of needs.  And we have l...

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and in today's video I'm going to give a summary and my takeaways from the 1990 book Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child by Margaret Paul and Erika Chopich.  I've gone down a bit of a rabbit hole recently reading about Inner Child work.  I recently did a video summary of Robert Jackman's book Healing Your Lost Inner Child, but the book today, written in 1990, is one of the seminal resources on this topic and still has much to teach us. Here is the overall map to my book videos: I give an overview which covers a quick summary of the book, the audience, and some background on the authors; then I review the structure of the book and give some additional content; I'll give my recommendation and an explanation; and finally, I'll review 5-10 takeaways that were either surprising or new information for me.  First, an Overview This book was written by two mental healt...

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and in today's video, I'll give my summary and take aways from the book Healing Your Lost Inner Child: How to Stop Impulsive Reactions, Set Healthy Boundaries and Embrace an Authentic Life by Robert Jackman. Here is the overall map to my book videos: I give an overview which covers a quick summary of the book, the audience, and some background on the author/authors; then I review the structure of the book and give additional details; I'll give my recommendation; and finally, I'll review 5-10 takeaways that were either surprising or new information for me.  First, an Overview This is a book that introduces a process for healing your inner child.  This includes a foundational education on the concept of the inner child, the types of wounds and ineffective behaviors that result, a process for how to identify your wounds, ineffective behaviors, and triggers, and some exercises that walk you through how to adopt...

Hi, everyone. This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll give my summary and take aways from the book More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD by psychologist Ari Tuckman. I'm going to implement a little more structure to my book summary videos, so that I am more likely to make them.  My new structure is going to be a quick overview of what the book is about, who the author is, and who the book is for.  Then I'll review the structure of the book, talk about whether I recommend it and why (and let's be honest, I really only do summaries of books that I'm willing to recommend) and 5-10 take aways that stood out for me.  So, let's start with an Overview This, nearly 400 page book, is a comprehensive book on Adult ADHD.  It was written in 2009, which means that it lacks some up-to-date tech strategies (for one thing -- smart phones were not widely used back then), but it is a complete reference book f...

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and in today's video, I'll give my Summary and Takeaways from the book Tell Me No Lies: How to Stop Lying to Your Partner --- and Yourself -- In the 4 Stages of Marriage by Drs. Ellyn Bader and Pete Pearson.  Full disclosure -- I'm currently in a year long training through the Couples Institute on the couples counseling model originated by Ellyn Bader and Pete Pearson.  The training is absolutely wonderful for a number of reasons, but it also predisposes me to appreciate this book that they wrote together in 2000 since I can place it in the context of my learning. Here is the overall map to my book videos: I give an overview which covers a quick summary of the book, the audience, and some background on the authors, then I go into the structure of the book, my recommendation and why, and 5-10 takeaways that were either surprising or new information for me.  Let's get started with an Overview This book is ...

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and in today's video, I'll give my summary and take aways from the book After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis Abrahms Spring & Michael Spring.  Here is the overall map to my book videos: I give an overview which covers quick summary of the book, the audience, and some background on the authors; the structure of the book; my recommendation and why; and 5-10 takeaways that were either surprising or new information for me.  Let's get started with an Overview This is a book for couples or partners where one partner has been unfaithful and they are hoping to save the relationship.  It is also a good book for therapists who work with couples who have experienced an affair, but it is mostly written for people who are living through this.  This book discusses the steps to take to heal your relationship after a betrayal.  It includes...

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll talk about the distinction that I often make about three words: Sweet, Nice, and Kind.  And why it's important to know the difference. Here are three words that are often used interchangeably: sweet, nice, and kind.  But I think there are important distinctions between them that can help to decide how we want to be in the world.  In my family -- based on the distinctions I will discuss in a bit -- my husband is sweet, nice, and kind; my daughter is sweet and kind, I'm only kind, and my son used to be none of the above, but is growing into himself as an adult who is both sweet and kind. So, let's go through them: Sweet - I think of sweet as more of a temperament.  It describes someone who is pleasant and easy to be around.  Generally this temperament is not dominant or pushy, but is gentle and lovable.  This disposition is shared by most of the early Disney princ...

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll discuss some of the body-based techniques that you can use to quickly calm your nervous system.  If you've watching some of the earlier videos in this series, you already know that I talk with my clients a lot about neurobiology and specifically about the brain-body connection.  For a long time, psychologists have ascerted that in order to feel better,  we have to change the way we think.  And that can certainly be true.  However, we now know that calming the body also calms the brain -- and this process is far faster and more efficient than the reverse.  In fact, for every 1 signal that your brain sends to your body, your body is sending 4 signals to your brain.  So, although you can TRY to get your body to calm down by changing the thoughts from your brain, it's far more efficient and effective to work on your body to calm your brain down.   I th...

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and this is the seventh video in a series where I share information that I think EVERY therapy client should know.  In this video, I’ll talk about the two different kinds of change and the first step - breaking old behavior patterns. In the last couple of videos, I’ve discussed how to create emotional safety -- both external and internal.  Emotional safety is the WD-40 that greases the skids to allow behavior change to happen.  And unfortunately, it isn’t a one and done thing.  In order to challenge your old habits and create new ones, you will inevitably feel discomfort and anxiety.  And every time you feel this, you will need to re-stabilize yourself either by co-regulating with someone else or regulating your own emotions and create safety within. Let’s talk about the two different kinds of change: behavioral and developmental.   Behavioral change is just about acquiring a new hab...

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and this is the sixth video in a series where I share information that I think EVERY therapy client should know.  In this video, I’ll talk about how to build internal emotional safety or self compassion that will help to widen your window of tolerance. In the last video, we talked about how widening your window of tolerance requires you to take small, anxiety-producing, growth-oriented steps and apply a lot of emotional safety like WD-40 to help ease the discomfort.  Of the two kinds of emotional safety, in the last video we covered external emotional safety -- or feeling safe and trusting someone else to help regulate your emotions.   So, let's say you have some people in your life who you trust and can usually help you to co-regulate your emotions.  But at the same time, you have this harsh, mean-spirited, critical inner voice that taunts you and makes you feel small, incapable, and unworthy....

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and this is the fifth video in a series where I share information that I think EVERY therapy client should know.  In this video, I’ll talk about how to find external emotional safety, otherwise known as trust or co-regulation, to help you widen your window of tolerance. External Emotional Safety - Co-regulation/trust As humans, we are built to connect.  It's the first tool we are programmed to try when our nervous system starts to ramp up -- connecting with another human being.  In this way, we can borrow some of that other person’s nervous system calm to counter OUR freaking out. This is called co-regulation -- regulating your emotions by connecting with someone else.  But we all know that not everyone makes us feel calmer. In fact, some people just push our buttons and make us feel worse.  I'm sure just saying this brings to mind some people in your life who fall into this category -- they qu...

Hi, everyone.  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar Channel and this is the fourth video in a series where I share information that I think EVERY therapy client should know.  In this video, I’ll talk about how to push open your window of tolerance (which I think is the whole point of therapy) and feel emotionally safe. In the last video, we talked about the window of tolerance and how I think widening the window is  the whole point of therapy.  So, how do you do this? I think that the way you widen your window of tolerance is to do small, growth-oriented things that make you uncomfortable, over and over again.  For example, if you were afraid of heights, in order to increase your window of tolerance, you would have to start small by climbing up a single step.  You might have to climb up that single step multiple times before you don’t feel like jumping out of your skin.  And then you would climb up the second step.  And just like that, literal...