Why I Picked Snapchat over Instagram for My Kids

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video I'll share my rationale for giving my kids Snapchat rather than Instagram. 

My kids both got phones when they were in 7th grade. I would say soical media was a way bigger deal when my daughter got her phone last year than even 3 years ago when my son got his, so her experience is probably more relevant than his. 

At the time, both of these platforms were more straightforward. Instagram was and is a highly visual social media platform where you post artsy photos and selfies for your friends and followers to view, like, and comment on. Snapchat was a silly point to point communication tool where you sent photos to friends that disappeared after a few seconds.  Since that time, Snapchat has added lots of features that make it more like other "feed" centric platforms, but I was basing my decisions off of the Snapchat of "then". 

I really think these decisions differ from kid to kid. If you know what your kid's weakness is, you can try to tailor social media choices to avoid issues.  I'm not saying I necessarily managed to do this, but that is what I was attempting. 

Here is my assessment of the danger of each platform: Snapchat chats are temporary, so it is the medium of choice for cyber bullying and sending noodz (that is either inappropriate or actual nude pictures).  Instagram, with its overthought poses and aggressive feedback loop, messes with the way kids see themselves and others.  

Let me just say from the outset that I am not pretending to have all of the answers and would never judge parents who make different decisions. We are all doing our best here with the limited info we have. At any rate, I did a quick assessment of my kids' stregths and weakneses and decided I was less worried about them bullying and sending noodz from both a doing and receiving perspective. And I was definitely worried about their burgeoning self identity, feelings of self worth, and some of the important values that I thought would be influenced by Instagram use.  

The developmental years when our kids get phones are crucial to the building of identity. Developmental psychologists say that kids do much of their identity formation from the ages of 11-13.  There is a reason that coming of age ceremonies for most major religions are right around this age.  Kids figure out who they are, what they believe in, and what they think is important.  I think Instagram seriously messes with this process and the formation of these important values.  These are the parts of Instagram that bother me:

• Posed selfies - the need to be "perfect" is crazy ratcheted up on Instagram. Everyone is taking a billion selfies, editing the hell out of them, and actively curating their photos constantly.  It's the exact opposite of one of the rules I made for myself back when I was on Facebook, which was never to untag myself from unflattering pictures posted by others. I did this because my vanity is a real thing and actively cultivating an image that looks different from reality is the height of inauthenticity to me.  Values: vanity, narcissism, perfectionism 
• Visual - Instagram is incredibly visual, which makes for artsy, interesting photos.  But I would argue that it is hard for this highly visual medium to be about much more than superficial stuff: status, looks, and brand names.  There is not much room for compassion, empathy, or moral support.  Values: superficiality, materialism
• Likes - I would probably argue that this is the most insidiously destructive part of Instagram for kids in the 11-13 year old range. Every time you post a photo, your followers can like or comment on it. People will wait until the best possible time of day, so that they can obtain the most likes. Photos live and die based on how many likes they garner. You can see how this feedback loop might make it difficult for an early teen to stay centered and grounded.  Particularly since the more provocative the photo, the more positive reaction it will get. Values: love and belonging through provocative photos
• Less Than - If everyone is carefully cultivating their Instagram feed, it is certain that no one is representing themselves honestly.  The photos are a little prettier than reality and the life displayed is a little better than reality. But you know what, early teens are not great at knowing this -- I'm an adult and I'M not great at internalizing this truth!  So they are comparing what they know about their very real, messy lives to these plastic 2-dimensional showcases their friends or acquaintances are putting up on Instagram. It's impossible not to feel bad about themselves. Values: unworthiness
• FOMO - fear of missing out.  Inevitably, friends on Instagram are going to post pictures from events or get-togethers that your kid wasn't invited to. Even if they don't know the person that well, they will sometimes feel left out or excluded.  This happens with all "feed" based social media including Facebook.  Eventually, your kid will have to learn how to deal with this, but I would prefer to delay that until they are older and have better internal tools. Values: not belonging
• Kim Kardashian - I find it profoundly weird that on Instagram you can follow friends and also celebrities and their posts show up in the same feed. I don't know what this does to a kids sense of reality. Kim Kardashian's idea of appropriateness is completely different than that of a typical middle schooler - I hope.  Having cute pictures of your friends alongside Kim Kardashian's naked butt on a sink has to be totally disorienting for them.   Values: ?????  

As I said, just in the past 2 years, Snapchat has added Stories and a bunch of other features to its offering which make it a little more feed-based -- even if they only stick around for 24 hours, but it still isn't nearly as posed or visual.  My son just got an Instagram account this year -- he is in 10th grade and is 15. I expect my daughter will get one around the same time.  By that time, I think she will have formed a better foundation of ideas around who she is and what she thinks is important. Snapchat has not been a walk in the park for her. She has experienced some of the inevitable issues (mean stuff and inappropriate photos).  In the end, I still think it was the right call. But so much of all of this depends on talking to your kids and helping them to think critically about their actions and what they are seeing. Each kid is different and each has different pitfalls. 

Let me know what you think!  Comments are always appreciated and thanks for watching!