Calming Your Emotions Naturally using Community Resiliency Model (CRM) Skills (Part 3 of 3)

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video I'm doing the third and final part of a series on calming your emotions naturally using the skills from the Community Resilience Model or CRM.   This video introduces the final three skills: Gestures, Help Now, and Shift & Stay.

The first video in this series gave a simplified overview of our nervous system and how it helps us to survive.  I explain the two systems that activate us to fight or flight when we are in danger (the sympathetic nervous system) and the one that calms us back down after the danger has passed (the parasympathetic nervous system).  These systems work together to help us stay in our resilient zone when we have distress or upsetting experiences.

The second video introduced the first 3 fundamental skills in the toolkit: tracking, resourcing, and grounding.  These skills train you to notice when your body feels distress or wellness and helps to activate your parasympathetic nervous system to calm you down when you are in distress by either taking you to a detailed calming world (resourcing) or forcing you to be physically present in the world that you exist in now (grounding). 

This video will teach the final three skills of the Community Resiliency Model which was developed by the Trauma Resource Institute and it's executive director, Elaine Miller-Karas.  The first skill is

Skill 4 - Gestures/Movement

This skill, like the last 2, uses something calming to activate our parasympathetic nervous system.  In this case, we are using movement or gestures.  There are certain movements that we make that are soothing or protective.  You may immediately know of a gesture or movement that you do that helps you to feel better.  If nothing comes to mind, the next time you are feeling particularly calm, pay attention to the movements that you are making and see if you can determine which ones are soothing or protective.  I can tell you that one of the things I do is twist my ring.  I replaced my original uncomfortable wedding band with a dull grey solid titanium one for this very reason -- it's soothing.  But there are a lot of calming gestures people use: some people twist their hair, others rub the backs of their hands, some rub their feet together.  Figure out what you do that is soothing and then, when you are in distress, practice this movement, but slow it down and notice the sensations that it brings.  Slowing down the movement intentionally can have the benefit of strengthening that sense of calming and wellbeing.  There are also some universal movements that comfort us because they invoke positive feelings -- hands in a prayer position or a meditative posture or just smiling or throwing open your arms in a joyful posture.  Also, there are some whole body movements that feel protective or that promote the release of tension.  Engaging in these movements in a practice like yoga will almost inevitably lead to feeling calmer and more centered afterwards.  The bottom line is -- sometimes are brains don't get to call all of the shots.  Sometimes our bodies get to tell our brains how to feel and if they are making joyful or calming movements, your brain will fall in line!  The next skill is called

Skill 5 - Help Now

This isn't really a skill as much as it is a grab bag of quick fixes that can shake up your nervous system if it is stuck on high or stuck on low.  Remember, being stuck on high means that your nervous system is revved up and in a state of tension and anxiety, being stuck on low is where your nervous system is tired, sluggish, or non-reactive.  Using one of these quick fixes can shake up your system so that you can get back to a state of resilience.  Here they are:

• Drink something cold or hot (the British use this for all crises -- tea is always the answer)
• Pay attention to something specific in the room
• Name six colors you can see
• Open your eyes (if they have a tendency to shut)
• Walk around the room and count backwards slowly from 20
• Touch 5 different surfaces, noting the textures and density
• Notice the temperature in the room
• Notice 3 sounds in the room or outside
• Notice how your body is making contact with the ground or how it is moving
• Push your hands against the wall or door and notice your muscles flexing

Now that you know a little bit about your nervous system -- can you see how these tricks might work?  They help get you out of your head and into the physical world, noticing your body and its sensations.  Apparently that is the way to engage the parasympathetic nervous system to induce a calming state.  And finally, the last skill is

Skill 6 - Shift and Stay

This is just bringing all of your skills that you have learned together to be able to intentionally shift away from feelings of distress and loss of control and towards feelings of calmness and wellbeing.  So, let's say you experience something that triggers a reaction of fear, volatility, or anxiety in you. 

• First you notice what is going on in your body -- you tense, your temperature changed, you are breathing faster, you stomach is in knots.  Then shift your attention to one of your calming skills.
• You could shift your attention to a detailed, immersive experience of a resource like your favorite pet, your loving grandmother, your favorite spot on the beach, or skiing down a snowy slope.
• Or you could shift your attention to the places in your body that are touching the ground or being supported and intensify those sensations to really feel present.
• Or you could enact a calming movement that sooths you, brings you joy, or makes you feel protected. 
• Or, if you are really unable to get stuck, you could use one of the 10 tricks in the "Help Now" toolbox.  Things like walking around and counting backwards from 20, drinking a hot drink, noticing 6 colors, or touching some surfaces noticing textures and how they feel.
• As you bring in these skills, notice how your body is reacting.  Bring your attention away from the feelings of distress and focus instead on the feelings that are more comfortable or calmer.  Take your time as you do this.  Notice when your heart rate decreases, your breathing slows, and your stomach settles down.
• As you bring this exercise to a close, do a full body scan, noticing all of your body changes and where distress is still being carried.  Stay in that state for a few moments.

So, that's it.  If you practice these skills, you can use your own nervous system to bring yourself back into a resilient zone on a day to day basis.  Once you have practiced these long enough, your resilient zone will begin to widen and you'll find yourself getting bumped out of your zone less and less often.  That means you can tolerate a decent number of unpleasant events and emotions without flipping your lid.  This is the goal -- not to get rid of unpleasant thoughts or feelings -- but to be able to tolerate them better and live life without avoiding or suppressing your emotions or reactions. 

These skills are basic to being human, so they can be taught to really young kids and adults, to groups or individuals, and to people of all different cultures and ideologies.  Even the information about the nervous system is simple enough that five years old can understand it.  It taps into our natural human resilience and our ability to bounce back from difficult experiences.  Let me know what you think.  Comments are always appreciated and thanks for watching!