Tools to Help Your ADHD Teen with Executive Functioning Issues and School

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today’s video, I’ll share the tools and processes that I use to help my teenagers with their executive functioning for school. 

If you are watching this video, you probably have a kid with ADHD or executive functioning issues. My kids have both. Executive functioning refers to the ability to plan ahead, remember assignments, organize, manage time, and get things done. 

As you already know, there is a narrow line that we walk as parents.  Do we help our children?  Or do we allow them to fail and learn their lesson the hard way?  I’m sure you have run into a couple of well meaning, but slightly clueless folks who say, “They will never learn if you don’t let them fail!”  Well - that may be true of a kid who doesn’t suffer from ADHD or executive functioning problems.  But for kids who do, a) they have probably been receiving negative feedback their whole school career and b) failure is inevitable in most cases since they don’t have the built-in tools to succeed in a school environment.  What that creates is a damaging feedback loop, which can cause a self esteem crisis and lead them to stop trying altogether. 

This "let them fail" theory looks something like this:  your teen fails three classes in the first quarter of school, which you find out when report cards come out, he then learns from his mistakes, realizes he has to make changes, course corrects using his internal executive functioning skills, and goes on to make As the remainder of the year.  If this rings false for your kid, you are not alone.  Under that scenario, my kid would get 3 Fs the first quarter of school, feel like a giant failure, not know how to course correct due to his lack of executive functioning skills, bury his head in the sand, continue to fail classes, and have to repeat the grade. Professionals generally will tell you NOT to let ADHD kids fail completely for those reasons. 

I subscribe to a "small failure, big net" theory.  Here’s what that looks like: I allow for a certain amount of independence, so we start off the same — with 3 Fs halfway through the first quarter. I am vigilantly watching his grades through the parent portal, so I notice what is going on.  Before he hits rock bottom, I supply him with some tools and processes — let’s call it external executive functioning, so that he can stay above the full failure line. Then rinse, wash, and repeat.  This is why it is called small failure, big net. He fails, but not fully, and I provide the safety net and tools to make sure the bottom doesn’t fall out.  

What I have found is that he is only really open to accepting help from me when he reaches these small failure areas.  So, these are the points at which I can introduce new tools and processes. Otherwise, he feels like he is doing fine — he doesn't need help -- and sometimes he is. My hope is that by giving him these external tools and processes, he will begin to build the habits and techniques that most other folks have internally from the get go.  And over time, there will be fewer small failures to recover from.  It does take some work on my part — but not a staggering amount. Let’s talk about the tools and processes that I use.

• Daily Planner - forgetting assignments is a major problem, so my son has to get in the habit of writing things down all in one place.  I listened to an ADHD podcast once where an expert recommended a planner designed for teachers. I’ll provide the Amazon link in the notes section, but the idea is that you have subjects down the vertical axis and days of the week across the horizontal (https://www.amazon.com/Teachers-Planner-Lesson-Peter-Pauper/dp/144131573X/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1525100624&sr=8-4&keywords=teachers+planner&dpID=41LyCiQnD6L&preST=_SX258_BO1,204,203,200_QL70_&dpSrc=srch).  You should be able to see one full week at a time with a block for each class.  Our notation convention is that you write assignments in the block of the day they are assigned, but projects, tests, and quizzes go on the day they will be due and they are circled. That way you can look forward to what you have for each class. I check Max’s planner roughly every day after school to make sure he is filling it in.  If I get out of the habit of checking — he gets out of the habit of using it. 
• Daily Schedule - unless your kid is really conscientious and motivated, almost everything is going to seem like more fun than doing homework or studying. For this reason, we have a two hour per weeknight study minimum.  This is a rule of thumb — in other words, if he has had a tennis match, which ended at 8pm and doesn’t have that much to do in his planner, I’m not going to make him stay up until 10:30pm doing busy work. However, on days when his schedule isn’t so tight — he can spend time reviewing his notes, reading ahead, or organizing his papers.  He takes Fridays off.  The first thing he does before starting his homework is fill out a weekday planning sheet.  I’ll provide a link to a Google Docs copy of this that you can if you want (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1c2jasKLrvtU564z8mh-VQDR9Q934sfNLMNMR1fcQhLY/edit?usp=sharing).  His planning steps are on the sheet, but basically he schedules the 2 hour (or more) studying block, puts assignments on his planner that he might have missed, checks the online resources that his teachers use to communicate due dates for more info, organizes his papers, makes a list of what he needs to accomplish today, and then puts those tasks on the schedule in 15 minute blocks. This is the full process, but I would be lying if I said he did this every night. Mostly he just skips to the last step. 
• Weekend Planning session - on Saturdays, he and I sit down for a weekend planning session the lasts 30 minutes to an hour. Since I don’t have time to eagle watch him through this process during the week, this is the one time that I can make sure he is doing all of the steps that he needs to.  I’ll also provide a link to the Google Doc for the weekend planning sheet (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ibTu4iVlrfdcTyy1c1vBrIUjQZ6pybxCt0hPVUhbk7Q/edit?usp=sharing). 
  • First, he organizes all of his papers that are loose from the week. We have a hanging folder in his closet that he offloads papers to if his notebook is getting too bulky. 
  • Next, he and I open his planner and transfer anything he has in his head into his planner — the chemistry test next week, or a Spanish group project due in 2 weeks. 
  • Then, together we check his teachers’ online resources.  For us, that is a combination of Blackboard and Google Classroom, depending on the teacher. We go through each class and make sure every assignment is on his planner.
  • Then we check the parent portal, which shows the grade book, but more importantly, which assignments that he is missing. Those also go on his list for the weekend. 
  • Then we go class by class and write a list of the tasks he needs to accomplish this weekend. 
  • Next he estimates how long each will take and adds them together to determine how long he need to spend studying during the weekend.  The rule of thumb on weekends is at least four hours.  Sometimes he does it all on one day, sometimes split between the two. 
  • Finally, he blocks off time for each task based on what he has estimated. He has developed a system where he numbers the tasks and puts that reference number on the schedule instead of writing out the whole task again. So, it looks like this.  He is very good about putting in breaks for himself — which is good — he needs them.  He also makes time for something he calls “memorcizing” which involves memorizing terms, dates, or vocab while he is shooting baskets. 

Some kids do this whole process naturally. I don’t have one of those kids. What I hope is that through repetition, he will build the habits that he needs to fly on his own when I’m not around to be his safety net. He will have the tools, the process, AND hopefully the practice by then.

Let me know what you think!  Comments are always appreciated and thanks for watching!