Random Thoughts on PC Culture or Political Correctness

Hi, everyone!  This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video, I'll share some of my random thoughts on the minefield topic of PC Culture or political correctness. 

Full disclosure -- I'm super liberal and not ashamed of it.  But please hear me out -- I know that there are always two sides to every issue.  Opinions around political correctness are complicated and problematic.  I know this because even some of my most liberal friends and family feel like it's gone way too far.  

Definitions

First, let's establish some definitions.  Here is the first definition that comes up in a Google search and it's a pretty good one.

So, this is anything from terms perceived as derogatory like calling Italians Wops, to stereotypes about groups of people (even positive ones) like All Asians are good at math, to celebrations of events or people that are not important to OR actively offend folks, like Columbus Day or saying "Merry Christmas" or Confederate statues. 

I happen to like my father in law's definition of political correctness. He is a man of few words -- when he speaks it's usually about either WVU sports or it's something profound. And occasionally he can get the two to intersect.  In this case, he says that political correctness is "the basic civility that allows people with different beliefs and backgrounds to engage in discussion."  Just think about that for a second. Political correctness is the foundation that allows us to talk to people with different backgrounds about things we might disagree about.  

Let's take an extreme example to try to see this argument from both perspectives.  The scenario is that you've just met someone -- let's call this person Jane -- and you are having a polite discussion.

What if during this discussion, Jane insisted on referring to you by your most privately hated nickname -- let's make it "Half Pint"?  "I'm sorry, Half Pint, but I have a slightly different take on that." Or "That is a really interesting point, Half Pint."  She has no idea that the nickname bothers you, but it's hard to get around the fact that she keep calling you Half Pint.  Okay -- so, what if you politely told Jane that you would prefer she used a different name for you, and she said, "OMG -- you are being way too sensitive -- you need to just get over it"?  Can you see how that might stifle your previously polite conversation?

Now let's take it from the other perspective.  Let's say, for sake of this example that you can't call her Jane, so you are trying to figure out the best way to refer to her.  You don't want to offend her, and you are legimately struggling to find the appropriate term of address.  You start out with Miss, then Ma'am, then Lady, then Madam . . .  These all feel like totally benign terms to you, but every time you use one, Jane says "OMG!  You are such an idiot. Don't you know that term is completely offensive to me?  What a moron."  Can you see how this polite conversation might end quickly?  

Obviously this is a ridiculous and extreme example, but you have to admit that Jane's responses sound a lot like our public discourse right now. 

That's not offensive!

I feel Iike there are lots of arguments around what really constitutes legitimately offensive words. You know -- "Oh, the term Redskins is fine -- it's an archaic term -- you shouldn't be offended by that!"  But you know what?  That's not really up to me.  It's personal. And telling someone they shouldn't be offended is like telling someone they aren't really angry.  First of all, THEY are really the only one who can make that call and second of all, it only makes the situation much worse. 

So let's take the above situation.  I'm guessing being called the nickname Half Pint probably wouldn't bother you.  But unless you are a cis-gendered, straight, able-bodied, neurologically typical, Protestant, upper-middle class white male (and I'm sure I've left some things out here), you will immediately think of some stereotypes and terms that don't feel great to you. And even if you ARE in that elite group that I just mentioned, you won't have to dig far to find a term that offends. Are you a little short?  Insecure about your intellect?  Not great at sports?  Slightly chubbier than you'd like to be?

Now think about that term (or let's be honest, terms) -- that's a hot spot for you.  Do you want someone to tell you you don't have a right to be offended if someone repeatedly refers to you that way?  Of course not.  I think we all have to realize that yes, words are just words, but some of have long histories of awfulness that we might not even know about. Does that make us bad people?  No!  But be open to that education. 

And another thing -- just because someone uses bigoted language does not give you the right to be awful back.  Here's a phrase that I hate with a red hot passion -- "white trash."  What the hell?  How are people trash?  Now I grew up in a rural area three doors down from a trailer park.  Just to give you a little flavor, there were 3 different General Lee replica cars on our street -- you know, from The Dukes if Hazzard?  One even had the doors welded shut and the horn. My family was a little unusual in that neighborhood, but these were my friends growing up.  They took care of their dogs, loved their parents, helped strangers, and laughed at each other's jokes.  You know -- not trash -- people. Lovely people. Who probably raised their eyebrows occasionally at the hippy dippy mixed race family down the street with loud roosters and random structures in the backyard.  My point is -- don't be mean and quit feeling superior. Liberals can be bigoted too.

Tool not a Weapon

So, here is the challenge. Let's stop using language as a weapon and start using it to understand each other.  Give people the benefit of the doubt. Just because they don't have your worldview, your opinions, and your experience doesn't mean they aren't a basically good person, trying to do the right thing!  Everyone is complicated.  Here's something I heard recently: if a person does something bad, we explain it differently depending on whether we believe that person is in our group or outside of our group. If that person is in our group, we attribute their actions to situational or external forces.  Our cousin gets caught cheating on a test -- she was under a lot of pressure, she was in over her head, everyone else was doing it.  BUT if we perceive that person to be outside of our group, then we attribute it to fundamental character flaws.  Oh, that girl is just straight up bad or she will doing anything to get ahead.  This is referred to as Fundamental Attribution Error. Our challenge?  Make our in-group bigger!  Yes, people ARE responsible for their actions, but acknowledge that external forces are almost always at play. 

Plea to each side

Here's my plea to the "PC is too extreme"/"everyone needs to have more chill" crowd:

• What's so wrong with attempting to call people what they want to be called?  Why use offensive terms if you don't have to?  Is it so inconvenient to ask what would be preferable?
• Instead of thinking, "people are way too sensitive" -- use those moments to try to understand why they feel strongly about that term.  Ask questions, start a discussion. 
• And finally, always assume good heartedness.

And my please to the "no one should ever say anything remotely offensive or I will blast them into next week" crowd:

• Don't use language as a weapon. Use it as a tool for civility.
• Check your motives -- don't set traps.  Don't look for gotcha moments. 
• Be generous.  This is hard!  The terms change -- and sometimes when you are not immmersed in a world, it's hard to remember, for example, what the I and A stand for at the end of LGBTQIA.  Please forgive me when I misstep.
• Don't lynch people verbally.  Don't pile on online.  There are human beings on the other end of these exchanges.  
• Teach don't preach.  And yes, I'm aware of the irony of this in light of this undeniably preachy video. 
• And finally, again always assume good heartedness.

Use these moments to learn about someone you don't share a background with.  For example, there will inevitably be things in this video that offend you or that you take issue with.  Start here!  Assume good heartedness on my part and engage me in conversation. I would welcome it. 

I feel like I have to say something about the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville since it just happened and I went to undergrad there. Sometimes people don't have good intentions. Sometimes people are actively using violent and scary means to further their agendas of hate. All I'm saying is -- we can't fight hate with hate. We DO have to call it out, shine light on it, make changes. But we also have to recognize the humanity in everyone -- even people whose ideologies are abhorrent. 

Let me end here with a story about national treasure Daryl Davis.  Do you know who he is?  He is an accomplished black keyboardist who has also befriended scores of Ku Klux Klan members.  His approach line is "How can you hate me if you don't even know me?"  He has a growing collection of KKK robes in his garage from klansmen who have renounced their membership after spending time with him.  Do you think he lectures his KKK friends about terminology and sets verbal traps for them?  I doubt it.  Those conversations would be short and unfruitful. Look -- I'm not saying that there is not work to be done on real injustice on a macro level, but on a micro level Daryl Davis is making a difference one friendship at a time.  Here's my favorite quote of his, "The most important thing I learned is that when you are actively learning about someone else you are passively teaching them about yourself."

That's it. Tell me what YOU think.  Comments are always appreciated and thanks for watching!